Battle for Mammoth 2014

MAMMOTH, ACP – Greetings, CPAC. It is time to announce that, for the umpteenth time since 2009 or so, Mammoth has changed hands once again. Today, around 10:15PM EST, a lone green penguin undertook a dangerous mission to regain honor both for herself and her home server…

 

 

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Ah, Mammoth. The place where I had grown up, fought, lived, and eventually retired in peace. The place where my comrades had grown up, fought, lived, and retired either in peace or with a fitful coup d’etat and a sudden influx of vicious scheming and harsh words.

Mammoth had been taken, yes. By ACP. And I was proud. But Mammoth had not yet been fought for – been truly conquered – and she deserves that, don’t you think?

At first I was a little confused – disgruntled even – by the Muppets party (I have been disgruntled by Muppets since I was a small child). But my faith held strong, and I progressed in my conquest.

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It took some effort, but as you can see I clearly overpowered the enemy forces in the town as well.

seriously not even Miss Piggy showed up

seriously not even Miss Piggy showed up

I didn’t remember the old rules for how many rooms you had to win in order to take control of a server, so I just went ahead and took over all of them.

A sampling of the rooms I took over. At the Dock, I intimidated my enemies with a fearsome joke bomb. At the Cove, I decimated enemy penguins with a sun. At the Stadium, I crushed everyone with my awesome car.

A sampling of the rooms I took over, and how I took them over. At the Dock, I intimidated my enemies with a fearsome joke bomb. At the Cove, I decimated enemy penguins with a sun. At the Stadium, I crushed everyone with my awesome car.

I went on other adventures, such as discovering my backyard and accidentally robbing a museum. That’s relatively unimportant, though, compared to my grand finale at the Iceberg, where my army came to support me.

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We averaged 15 and MAXED 20!

So as you can see, I now own 100% of Mammoth. I will be taking the title of Supreme Conqueror of Mammoth” in order to commemorate such a momentous takeover.

This is Foxtails, signing off, folks. March on.

 

-Foxtails-

-Supreme Conqueror of Mammoth-

 

Disclaimer: If it was not yet evident, this post is entirely satirical. Happy April Fool’s Day, CPAC.

22 Responses

  1. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  2. Lmao I’m so done

  3. At least you’re better at faking pictures than Earthing

  4. If Foxtails isn’t immediately made a legend, there is a major flaw in the system. This post really showed what TRUE determination is and what it’s REALLY like to conquer a server. Like a true leader, she only used 100% legit numbers, no extra penguins or emotes. She very much deserves the title that she selflessly gave herself before consulting anybody or asking anyone else if they want to be part of it (including other leaders or army members that look up to her). Her courage shall be remembered forever.

  5. Makes we want to start posting on here drunk again

  6. Told ya so

  7. This is fantastic.

  8. This is beautiful on so many levels

  9. One of the few good CPAC post in a few weeks.

  10. wtf! squids alredy took da server!1!!!! tis is WAR!!!!!!!!!!!! >:(

  11. A post where a CP Army veteran that hasn’t gone on CP since 2007 suddenly comes back and visits CP for the first time since 2007 would be interesting and comical. Also to c how armies went from snowball fights to lame tactics in straight lines. *wary*

  12. Best post I’ve seen in a long while. “MAXED 20!”

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