Survival Guide to Warfare

Disclaimer: The following manual is meant solely for entertainment purposes. It is meant in no way to endorse any one way of battle or to shape opinions, though it can be taken as such if the reader pleases.

In Club Penguin, wars can be a brutal thing.  The pleasant Club Penguin we know can be a terrible, devastating place in war. If one is not properly prepared and has a fitting training, it will prove to be a fatal venture. This guide was created in order to educate the new soldier, as well as reconstruct the veteran soldier’s mind.

Part I: Preparation in the Field

The ready and skillful soldier is never unprepared for war. Such careless behaviour as forgetfulness is forbidden and can be fatal. The wise soldier always has all equipment when on duty. Their packs are always strapped on tight. Their snow rifles are clutched in ready position. All pieces of the uniform are on, nothing forgotten. The ideal troop is well-rested and well-fed and they are in proper physical shape. Troops late to wake and late to battle are seen as unprepared and lazy. An army is only as strong as its weakest link, so the weakest link is first to go.

Part II: One Among Many

Army Corps are corps because they are a mass of well-trained soldiers. They fight together. When a soldier is not in uniform and out of order with the rest his comrades, he will stand out. The worst thing that could happen in a battle is to stand out. When one is seen most easily, one is first to be aimed at, and first to eat snow. Short lives are those who do not see order. To prevent such a thing, always be in uniform. One wants to look like the rest of the crowd. Always be in the lines and performing the correct tactics. When in the mass, one is less likely to be aimed for and less likely to be hit.

Part III: Stealth & Espionage

The best of soldiers are those that can walk over dry leaves in bright daylight and not be noticed by he who walks on the side. Warfare requires stealth mainly in two parts: ambush and spying. Ambush is a modern and tactful method of attack. It is more and more commonly used today, but requires utter silence and stillness. Used to prevent this, as well as other things, random troops are often appointed to spy on the enemy and alert the main body where the enemy lurks. As one may imagine, espionage requires silence and stillness as well. All soldiers should be trained to creep along quietly and use their senses to full extent. Troops should be able to be observant, all-seeing and aware of everything. A failed spy attempt usually results in execution, and a failed ambush is just as deadly.

Part IV: Defensive Maneuvers

Defence is perhaps the most important element of war. Defending oneself, one’s army and one’s nation is of the highest importance. To protect oneself, one simply needs to be prepared. One’s uniform should be fitted and worn properly. One should defend all vital spots, and any openings in protective gear should be considered a vital spot. A square centimeter hole in one’s armour can be the Achilles’ Heel that ends oneself. One also needs to remain with the group. Keeping together will keep less open. In order to defend the army, one must be part of it. Tactics should be performed in sync and at the same time. A jumbled tactic is perilous and open to a counter-attack. Being part of the army, proper defence and performance will ultimately protect your nation as well.

Part V: Offensive Maneuvers

Offence is the best defence. The best protection is attack. A series of  well made attacks will lead to victory. All offensive tactics must be as proper as the defensive ones or else one’s attack is purposeless. A fit soldier can fight harder for longer as a fit runner can run faster for longer. Fitness is key to successful attacks. Attackers also need balance, agility and speed. The ideal soldier has the strength of two men, a well-balanced body and more speed than his enemy. Synchronization is important as well.

If you follow this guide, you are sure to be the best of all soldiers soon!

Redd Kool

7 Responses

  1. hm first

  2. Survival guide? Lmao This is a freaking penguin game.

  3. You forgot the best tactic: Kamikaze!

  4. MOO noises are made by sheep

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